The fact that you're not here

The fact that you're not here,

is all the evidence I need

-that you don't care.

You keep telling me how much you like me

but I'm not sure now.

You're not here, not because you don't want to love me.

but because you can't love me.

Stop - Really, Stop It!

Just because life has phuked your soul, it doesn't give you the right to phuk the souls of your children.

Let's Just Feed Them Already!

It's not complicated.

There's no shortage of food.

There are hungry people.

So, let's just feed them already!

The Heart Reforms Itself

The heart is like the robot in the Terminator movie. 

It keeps getting shattered and, then, it reforms itself - just like it was before.

Obsessive Compulsive

Twitter is O.C.D. central.

I'm aware of this.

I'm taking a step back.

And, now, I'm laughing.

I'll enjoy it more now.

Now, that I'm not obsessing about it.

I Made the Decision Before I Got Here

This is it.  This is me.

I lay myself in front of you - to examine.

The blemishes and flaws are plain to see.

I made the decision before I got here -

To be with you.

So, now, it's up to you.

But, before you decide, just remember:

This is really me.

What? Me Maudlin?

What? Me Maudlin?
Dictionary.com
Maudlin-tearfully or weakly emotional; foolishly sentimental: a maudlin story of a little orphan and her lost dog.

I Wonder

I wonder why our comments are so very similar when we are so very different.

Wait a minute

I guess that means we're not so very different.

Dissolve to Consciousness

Dissolve to consciousness. Images, thoughts, music, emotions swirl in my head. Coffee is the only thing that will calm this whirlwind.

Who Gives a Shit?

There is no one who gives a shit.

The Door to Her Heart Remained Closed

Though she wanted so very much to give to only one,

The door to her heart remained closed

Who knows why - it could have been her cold mother

Or her cheating ex

She even found a man who loved her with his gentle heart - which was open

After years of being with her,

he grew lonely...weary

Of being the only one there

This is Where I Vent

Actually, I'm not particularly depressed.

This blog is one of the reasons.

It helps me release the stuff that could drive me nuts.

Fading Beauty

The clanging, honking, and voices mix in the acrid Los Angeles air.  Tears caused by disappointment and poison fill people's eyes.  The fading beauty of countless starlets matching that of the city.

I Forgive You

I forgive you father

You were just a person

Struggling to make sense of this strange world

I am far from perfect myself

and life is a lot harder than I thought it'd be

It's not just because you've passed on that I forgive you

It's because I realize, now, that it's not that you felt too little, but that you felt too much

And your heart just couldn't take what your eyes had seen and the experiences you'd had

Your path hadn't been a smooth one

The memory I have now is of your wonderful sense of humor and generous spirit

I love you, wherever you are

I will remain, your son - forever

This Boy Was Never Allowed To Be a Boy

The shouting started early that day

The boy covered his ears

His father was drunk again

and demanding that he make soup

The shouting continued for about an hour

Little pieces of the boy kept breaking off/dying

This boy was never allowed to be a boy

And was never really able to become an adult

Insane-I Am

I feel so alive today

I'm on fire!

Give me a challenge

I will take it!

Give me a punk

I will punch him!

I did not come to this planet to be a fricken slave

or to kiss ass

Look at me momma

I can fly!

Sometimes, When I Read My Own Words, I Think I Sound Like a Crackhead

Sometimes, when I read my own words, I think I sound like a crackhead
Oh well...

Hazy House of Mirrors

I walk through the hazy house of mirrors that is my life
I see reflections obscurely
There are others in this house
Sometimes our reflections mesh - if only briefly
At those times I feel less alone

Oh, what's this?
I'm alone again
My Zen training is kicking in now...
I will see you again when the sadness lifts

What is this about?

Sometimes people pleasantly surprise me; often they don't.

I can't sleep

I can't sleep. I went from being really happy to being in the dumps again.

Sometimes I feel like I'm an alien in a human body. I feel so little affiliation with the human race tonight.

Different Day - Different Mood

I feel a lot more cheerful than yesterday.

A new day. A new mood.

Why try to be real and make friends?

I'm feeling sort of down tonight.
Not like I want to hop off the nearest tall structure
Or cut my veins,
but just facing the reality of how I have spent so much time trying to make friends with people who don't give a shit

That's probably pretty common in this world

Layer upon layer of scam, sham, disaster, and mockery: this emotional barbed wire and other shit that is referred to as life still remains enigmatically interesting...somehow.

Hello.  This is my new blog.  It is attached to my twitter account (TrannyOnInside).

I reached a point where twitter just couldn't contain my compulsive writing habit.